1. I wonder if this massage table has bed bugs.
2. Is a $50 hour-long massage worth bed bugs?
3. Too soon to tell.
4. I never know how much to take off. Will the masseuse be shocked at the level of clothed/unclothed I am when they come back in?
5. Is there a camera recording my nakedness right now? I could be starring in a porno and I wouldn’t even know it.
6. Ok, that feels like a woman’s hands, don’t think I’m starring in an adult film.
7. Although…lady your hands are getting a little too close to my unmentionables.
11. If she does that one more time I’ll tell her to be gentler.
12. Ok she did if five more times and I still haven’t told her.
13. Why do I always choose to suffer in silence?
14. Am I going to walk out of here paralyzed?
15. I guess if I became paralyzed I wouldn’t walk out of here at all.
16. Am I going to be wheeled out of here?
17. Does she have a license for this?
18. I’m going to leave this massage more tense than when I went in.
19. Why haven’t I learned by now?
20. Ok she’s asking me to flip over, now I finally get to see the face of my potential killer.
21. This random lady just saw my boobs.
22. I wonder what she thought of them.
23. I don’t think you’re supposed to press so hard on that.
24. Yep that’s definitely a bone.
25. Thank God that’s over, never again.